17 years…countless blessings

On July 4 my lovely wife and I marked 17 years of marriage. It got me thinking about some of the other numbers that have defined the years since she graciously agreed to join her life with mine:

One God, Who has blessed and watched over us through those 17 years. We've attended one church our whole marriage, which has had one senior pastor during our entire married life. We've gone to one U2 concert (U2 and "One" go together!), but that will be two in October!

Two boys (soon I'll have to say "two men"), and two houses we've owned.

Three jobs that Char has worked at for money, which doesn't include the hardest jobs of all: wife and mom, for which the payment is not counted in dollars. Three dogs (not counting the two puppies born to our two poodles).

Four times Char has gone on overseas trips with me, including three VOM trips and a wonderful family vacation in Europe. I've held four full-time jobs during our marriage. Four sets of our family have moved overseas to be involved in Gospel work since 1992. And we have four parents who are serving the Lord and living out a legacy for us to follow.

Five times Char's been in the hospital; the first was only six weeks into our marriage with a near-ruptured appendix, the last was when she discovered she had Celiac.

Seven vehicles, starting out with Char's little Honda and my '65 Mustang. One of our cars Kedrick christened "the noisy car." It was a gift from some friends…a gift I think I drove for at least three years, and then sold for $75. Yes, $75.

Ten years that we've had kids in Christian school. When we started out it made even less sense, financially, than it does now. But I felt a strong conviction about it. God has faithfully provided, and we've never missed a meal; today Char's conviction matches my own. We are thankful for Godly teachers who have influenced our boys.

Eleven years I've worked at VOM, during which time Char has commissioned and supported me to travel all over the world to meet with and interview persecuted Christians. I am thankful for her sacrifice and grace and support.

Those are countable…there are other things we can't count. The friends God has blessed our lives with. The number of basketball games we've watched and cheered for the boys. The disagreements we've had…and the times we've made up.

I wish I could honestly say I've been a perfect husband, that I've never let Char down. I wish I could say I've always provided safe haven for her, a place she knew she'd find unconditional love and acceptance. I can't.

What I can say is that I married a good woman, a person who has supported me and sacrificed for me and who loves me. I married a woman who was and is committed to me and to our marriage, come what may. I am a blessed man, and I am grateful to the one God who provided her to me, and to Char for being such a woman.

My novel, Justice for All, is dedicated to Char with these words: "I love the woman you are. And I love the woman you are becoming."

I still do.

News or entertainment?

There has been some controversy lately about the "neutrality" of various news outlets. Has ABC News become nothing more than a megaphone for the Obama administration? Is Fox News nothing more than a club with which Republicans can beat up on liberal Democrats?

A couple of thoughts:

First, no one is "neutral." All of us have opinions. All of us have ideas. Frankly, if you don't know enough about a subject, or haven't thought about it enough, to form an opinion then you shouldn't be reporting on it. So the question is not neutrality, but openness and transparency. Most viewers know that George Stephanopoulos is a Democrat who worked for Bill Clinton, but in his bio on the ABC News web site it's one small paragraph.

Stephanopoulos is not "neutral." So what if someone else joined him in interviews, say a Mike Huckabee or a Karl Rove? Someone who is known to be a Republican and to see the world very differently from how George does? It seems to me that if each was allowed to ask questions and poke holes in the weaknesses of the topic at hand (say a massive government health plan) or the interview subject (say Sonia Sotomayor), the viewer would get more information and be better equipped to make up their own mind. It would also make for some very interesting television (read: high ratings)!

Which brings up my second thought: the race for ratings is killing (has killed?) TV News. Newscasts today are NOT about informing people of important topics and educating them on issues and situations. Newscasts are about getting and keeping eyeballs glued to television screens…eyeballs that can then be sold to advertisers.

So if more people will watch when a blond bombshell in a short skirt reads the news, that's who will read it (a nod to you, Fox News). If they can't keep our attention with the story they're on, they'll throw a news scroller at the bottom and list the next five stories on the side. And they'll get two people on to shout at each other. And that's before we even talk about what is "news."

Americans, as a society, are not good at delayed gratification. Just look at our savings accounts, our financial crisis or the average girth in your local Wal-Mart. Don't give us what we need. Give us what we want. And give it to us now! With lots of sugar!

Unfortunately, what we want is 85% fluff. Americans dying in Iraq? That's fascinating….for about 45 seconds. But what is Britney Spears doing this week? The Chinese owning (literally) us because of all the money we've borrowed from them? Booooorrrrriiiiing! And numbers don't look good on screen! But please have a camera constantly follow Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! They look GREAT on screen! Did Brad really have a secret meeting with Jennifer Anniston? Tell me! North Koreans or radical Muslims wanting to attack or destroy our country? That's nice….but what's Michelle Obama wearing these days?

Our government was established "by the people, for the people." But making good decisions requires good information, and the willingness to think. Much of our news today is short on information, and much of our country is unwilling to think.

But at least we know what Britney Spears is up to.

Obama and Islam: one response

I couldn't let the President's speech in Cairo go by without comment. His pretty words are based in something other than the reality that I've seen in visiting Muslim countries all over the world and working with persecuted Christians for the past 11 years.

First, a fact that you should keep in mind: six of the top seven countries on Open Doors' World Watch list of worst persecutors of Christians are Muslim nations, and 14 of the top 20. And eight of the 13 "Countries of Particular Concern" named by the US State Department's Committee on International Religious Freedom this year are Muslim countries.

So when President Obama says that "America and Islam…overlap and share common principles, principles of justice and progress, tolerance and the dignity of all human beings," I wonder how much he really knows about Islam?

Does he know about jizya, the tax that non-Muslims are forced to pay in order to be allowed to live in Muslim societies? What "tolerance and dignity" does that show?

Does he know of Islam's innate sex discrimination whereby a woman's testimony in a legal proceeding is not worth as much as a man's? Does he know that Islam decrees that a daughter's inheritance is only half that of a son's? Does that really show progress and "the dignity of all human beings?"

He went on to say that "throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality." When and where? When Arabic people from Northern Sudan tried to wipe out the black African people of Southern Sudan? That is an example of both religious persecution and racial intolerance. And it is not unique.

Obama then tells us that, "Islam has a proud tradition of tolerance." Where is that "tolerance" practiced today? Is it truly practiced in any country where Muslims form the majority of the people? Or only in countries where Muslims don't yet control the levers of political power?

What happens to people in Muslim countries that try to leave Islam to follow another faith, like Christianity? Two women are in jail in Iran right now for just such a "crime." Egypt, the country where Obama made these statements, will not issue new ID cards to Muslims who become Christians, but will issue them quickly to any Christians that choose to become Muslims.

Obama pointed to the Indonesia of his childhood. I wonder if he knows that Indonesia has lost ground on religious freedom since then as radical Muslims have burnt churches, and government courts have thrown Sunday School teachers into jail. Today, discriminatory Sharia laws are on the books in half of Indonesia's provinces.

Dialogue is important and proper. But dialogue based on a fantasy instead of reality will never bring about real and lasting change.

The President's words were pretty, yes; even inspiring.

But were they based on reality and truth? Quite simply: no, they were not.

 

Ouch, my toes hurt

I get a weekly email devotional from John Piper, and this week's devotional included this quote:

It is possible (but not right) for baptized believers to act in their lives as though the gospel were not true. How many conservative husbands are outraged if some liberal preacher says that Jesus did not rise from the dead, when their daily treatment of their wives makes the same statement? At least the liberal only states his heresy occasionally. (Douglas Wilson, Reformed Is Not Enough, p. 168)

Ouch. My toes hurt from Dr. Piper stomping on them!

How is it that, as husbands, we often are least nice to the person who matters the most to us? We will smile and swallow our sarcasm or harsh words when we meet a total stranger, and then go home and unload on our wives (and sometimes our children) over something idiotic and tiny. Am I the only guy who does this?

Some thoughts on overcoming this tendency:

1. Ask God to help, and to remind you how much He loves your wife. You don't want to treat someone God loves that much in a way that dishonors them.
   
2. Remember what's important. My first and most important human loyalty is to my wife. Not my job, my boss or my golf game. She deserves my best, not my leftovers.
   
3. Understand your own emotions. Yes, we all have hard and stressful days. But don't load up that stress and then take it home to unload on your family. Make a conscious choice to put it somewhere else. Take a walk. Drive the long way home (with the radio cranked, if that helps you). Call a friend or a pastor and get their permission to vent a little bit.
   

This quote really struck me, in a way that makes me think. I hope you think about it also. What suggestions would you add to my list?

Don’t be afraid. Stand firm.

Jesus Freaks Radio started out as a daily radio spot to encourage believers and also to sell more copies of Jesus Freaks, the book by DC Talk and The Voice of the Martyrs. Initially, it was thought that the band members would record new spots every few months. But then the band broke up (ok…went on "hiatus"), and went off in different directions, and suddenly getting them in the studio to record new radio spots became almost impossible.

But there are new stories to be told, and radio stations still willing to help tell them by providing free radio time. What to do? The producer of the spots called me up and said, "Hey, I've heard you do radio interviews. How'd you like to do the voice-overs for these new spots?" Didn't take me very long to say yes!

So now it's "Jesus Freaks Radio with TobyMac, Michael Tait and Todd Nettleton." Which makes me laugh. (I'm still waiting to be asked to participate in a DC Talk reunion. No calls yet. But I'm taking guitar lessons, just in case.)

Yesterday I recorded the spots for June, and this was one of the scripts. It encouraged me, and I hope it will encourage you too:

THE BATTLE IS NOT YOURS

II CHRONICLES 20:15, 17

[LYRICS:] What will people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus Freak. What will people do when they find that it's true. (:09)

[TOBY:] Hey, this is TobyMac with truth every Jesus Freak should hear from The Voice of the Martyrs.

[TODD:] At The Voice of the Martyrs, we understand that much of the news we deliver is not easy to hear. But even as we document the horrific persecution of Christians around the world, we also proclaim that God is our deliverer. Second Chronicles, chapter 20 says, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. . . . Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you."

What vast armies are you facing right now? Persecution, discouragement, illness, depression, economic turmoil? Don't be afraid. Stand firm. See the deliverance the Lord will give you. For more encouragement, go online to persecution.com.

 

Don't be afraid. Stand firm.

Good words for today, and every day.

Looking back with a smile

My friend Glenn is fighting cancer. And as he's fighting, he's marking his path through moving entries on his blog. In a recent entry he looked back at his life and told his readers of some of the things he regrets. The times he wasn't the husband or father he now wishes he'd been. The times when his sickness forced him to give up pursuits that he loved.

I encouraged him to write another entry as well, one where he looked back and pointed out the best moments, the times that he wouldn't trade for anything. Which got me thinking, of course, about some of the things that I'd put on MY list of those moments. I think I could list hundreds, but here are ten (not a top 10….just a random 10):

1. My wedding day. When the pastor (my dad) said that I could kiss the bride, I kissed her first on the forehead, and then on the mouth. She was actually ready to be really mad at me, thinking I wasn't going to kiss her on the mouth…like I'd pass up an opportunity to do that!
   
2. Watching Kameron and Kedrick being born. Two totally different experiences…Kameron was 9 pounds and a standard birth. Kedrick was smaller and delivered by emergency C-section, and he didn't breathe for a little bit after he came out. But both were and are healthy boys. Watching a new life come into the world is the most awe-inspiring, amazing experience. It left me in awe of God, and of my wife.
   
3. Travel. I travelled as a kid with my parents (Hawaii, Hong Kong, Australia and New Zealand, Europe, all over the Western U.S.) and I've travelled in my work for VOM and with my own family (China, Vietnam, Turkey, Europe). There is so much that you learn as you travel the world and meet different people, so many experiences that add fullness and depth to your life.
   
4. The first time I read The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. The book is written in such a way that the last line is the same as the first, and the first time I read it, at age 13 or 14, I went right back to the beginning and read it again. Probably one of the crucial mile markers on my road to becoming a writer.
   
5. Flying to Chicago with my wife in 2005 just to attend a U2 concert. We flew up, went to the show, drove along Lake Shore Drive after midnight, had breakfast with friends the next morning and then flew home. Amazing concert. Fabulous fun. A day we still look back on and smile about.
   
6. Going to a World Series game. My ticket cost $40, which for a college freshman in 1988 was a lot of money. But to be there, in the back row of the right field pavilion, when Kirk Gibson hit that amazing home run in the bottom of the 9^th, screaming my head off with 56,000 others…wow!
   
7. Living in another country. When my parents accepted the call to be missionaries and uprooted our family I was 12 years old, and not happy about the choice. But today I see how that decision has shaped my life, and how it broadened me as a person.
   
8. Dating my best friend. My wife was my friend before we dated, and my best friend before we got married. That great friendship has served as a strong foundation for building a life together, and it is a friendship that I cherish.
   
9. Living in Epsilon. My parents moved overseas three months after I went away to college, and my dorm mates became my other family. Those friendships, built over card games and pizza and intramurals and conversation, are still going strong more than 20 years after I arrived on campus.
   
10. Vacation. From a 21-day Eastern Airlines "fly anywhere" pass as a 10-year-old to last month's trip to Orlando, I have many great vacation memories. Disneyland with the boys. Washington DC with my family and my parents. South Dakota with my parents and Char's parents. London. Turkey. It seems like we have to force ourselves to take vacation. Schedules are full. Wallets are empty. (Aren't they always?) But I never regret taking a vacation, and I look back on some wonderful vacation memories.
    

That's a few things on my long list. What about you?

Quote for the day

"Don't bother much about your feelings. When they are humble, loving, brave, give thanks for them; when they are conceited, selfish, cowardly, ask to have them altered. In neither case are they you, but only a thing that happens to you. What matters is your intentions and your behavior."

—C. S. Lewis